New York, NY- History professor and woman who is obsessive compulsive about tampons, Dr. Halimo Farah has outraged her family by celebrating yet another birthday without a husband. Dr. Farah, who turned thirty five last week, has been using such pathetic excuses as education and career advancement to delay the spiritual tradition of marriage.
Dr. Farah, who wasted six marriageable years researching the Weimar Republic for an ego-boosting PhD, is nonetheless aware of her selfishness. Said Dr. Farah “look it is not lost on me that by not finding a husband I am denying my parents their right to have grandchildren. However, it is not for lack of trying. Believe me I try every day but it is not easy finding a Somali Mr. Right.”
Zeynab Hashi, Ms. Farah’s mother, has expressed frustration with her daughter’s high standards regarding a potential spouse. Zeynab said “eedo my daughter has some ridiculous standards. For instance she refuses to even consider her wealthy and beautiful cousin because his English is not very good. What she does not realize is that time waits for no one especially for women. When I married her father, I was a girl of fifteen. I was so young I did not even know the difference between scrotum and sphincter. We don’t know what do with her walahi. Bal usoo duceeya eedo!”
Cynics claim Dr. Farah’s cruel and inhumane decision to deny her parents the joy of having grandkids around the house is rooted not in inability to find a suitable mate but in her abnormally stratospheric sexual urges. Said a male relative “rumor has it that she sleeps around a lot. I have it on good authority that only last week, she slept with three men. Apparently two of them were her students. Basically my cousin is dhilo but I can’t tell her parents because that will break their old hearts.”
The relative, who lives in the Midwest and denies harboring resentment towards Dr. Farah for turning down his marriage offer, has told Sheeko Xariir the family will consider intervention if Dr. Farah “does not come to her senses soon”. He did not specify what the family had in mind but hinted they might consider a trip to Somalia.